When Dylan Bocanegra was three, he always lie and blame the cat who kept his family, Bamboo, for almost all of naughty behavior. Especially since his mother, Eva-Marie Fredric, is a producer of movies and soap operas in Los Angeles, United States. When shown a picture of crayons contaminate the entire wall of the living room, Dylan said, Bamboo is doing it.
When the plastic bottle into the toilet? Bamboo is also known to do it. Smoke billowed from the TV? Yep, we definitely know who will be blamed. "Like most of a toddler, Dylan has the imagination and storytelling ability is high," said Fredric. "Our cat became a scapegoat for all the mistakes she did," he continued.
However, that incident a year ago. Dylan has grown into a sweet child, but some things never change. As with other preschool children, since the past until now, they always do as he wants to do and sometimes slipping off the truth. Preschoolers (ages 3-5 years) is being studied to understand the line between reality and fantasy.
Telling a lie or fantasize with high imagination is actually not an unusual way to explore the limits of behavior in this period.
Parents are often designed to react strongly to what they consider to be lies. However, this is true is not always the best way to handle the situation.
"At the age of 3 years often times parents will say, 'Wow, my son is lying. And I do not know what to do ', "says Tanya Remer Altmann, MD FAAP, a pediatrician and author of" Mommy Calls: Dr.. Tanya Answers Parents Top 101 Questions About Babies and Toddlers ". "But it becomes unclear lines between reality and what's in their imagination," he explained. Say your child is aged 3 years to spill milk on the floor. When you ask, 'Who dropped it?' And your child says, 'not me', this does not mean that your child is lying. "He might actually want to milk it does not spill. Or if the incident had lasted an hour ago, maybe he does not remember doing it, "said Altmann, as quoted from page webMD.com. Mark Bowers, PhD, a child psychologist in Ann Arbor, Michigan, United States explains, anyone under the age of 5 years too young to understand what exactly is the lie. They do not have the same cognitive capacity as a child who has aged kindergarten began to learn the difference between right and wrong. "You do not have the authority to punish children in the future just because he did not admit anyone who spilled milk in the kitchen," said Bowers.
If you caught your child is scribbling on the walls, whereas before he did not confess, you may be tempted to hit him. However, most likely he will still dodge because it does not want to get in trouble and make you angry. Bowers says, is better explain to children how the rules are applied at home and do not forget to offer a solution. "For example, say that Mama has a rule at home that you may only draw on paper. So, now grab the soap and cleaning aids Papa, "he explained.
Usually, to avoid allegations to the child, Bowers refers to the Columbo approach or play dumb. To the child, you can say, 'Oh, Mama confused how this can spill milk huh? But it would be better if someone could help Mom clean it up '. Once your child to come and help you, give him support and praise when helped. "(Activities) This is an opportunity to teach your child what they should do in the future," said Altmann. "Unless it (the incident lie) which is really serious, leave the way all forms of punishment and change it to a child the opportunity to learn," she added.
Then how about a cartoon superhero or a world of imagination is true in the real world does not exist? "The soul of creativity is the center located at the highest point from age 3 to 5 years," said Bowers. Playing true imagination is part of the natural growth of children and important for development. Starting from the imaginary friends, figure superhero fantasy, wishful thinking or talking about places that have never visited the child such as Disneyland, probably occurred to them. You can help keep your child's imagination while teaching them how important the honesty. Do not worry if your child tells in detail the fictive trip to Disneyland.
Simply respond by saying, 'Yeah, you know, we've never been to Disneyland. But if we did go, what would you want to do? '. "If possible, have fun with him," said Bowers. "Join us so that she can hunt down what was in his imagination," he continued. Preschoolers often wriggled out of reality to get your attention. "You can encourage your child to tell the truth," said Fran Walfish PsyD, a child and family psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent.
One way, suggested Walfish, tell your child, "You have a wonderful imagination and when you say A, B, or C, Mama can not always know whether it's your imagination or real. Most importantly, what makes a person feel safe and comfortable between two people communicate is when we tell the truth and always say what is in reality ".
Most major, always think positive and do not be judgmental. "It is very important to you can say gently, without the accused, and put a sense of responsibility in the right place," said Walfish. "You have to give an understanding to your child with a good way," he added.
Also, use the language of his age so he can understand.
For example, you could say, "It's hard sometimes to tell Mama that you are doing (juvenile) this. You said that cats who do it because you're worried I'll upset you But you and Mom both know that cats can not do it. Mama is the type of mother who wanted to hear that you are doing it and then we can talk about other ways to get Mama's attention. "
Altmann ask parents to use positive sentences. "Positive words were more important to uncover the truth rather than just, 'Oh, you're lying'. I further agree not to tell parents that, "he said.
Leave away with such a negative stigma to call your child with a liar, Walfish said, labeling the child would make her feel bad because he had to hide something from you. "You certainly want to make relationships and open communication so that your child can tell you all things to you," he said.
You certainly do not need to wait for bad events happening with your child. Bowers recommends that you and baby reading a book together that encourages honesty, like The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
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